The other day I came across an Instagram post that encouraged invitation over intention. It really made me pause. I will be the first to admit that I often have really great intentions and then fall short when it comes to execution. But here’s the deal . . . the biggest predictor of well-being and longevity is connection. Connection means everything. Having had to say goodbye to really special people in my life, the one thing that sustains at the very end of life is the connection and love. Everything else melts away and what matters in life comes into excruciatingly sharp focus.
EXTEND THE INVITE
While life continues to roll, it’s easy to fall into habits that preclude us from reaching out. Wet get busy with family and work and the days float away. Nothing is going to stop life from being busy but what I have learned is that life is far richer when we make the effort. Don’t be afraid to be the one to extend the invitation. Whether it’s to go for a walk or simply meet for coffee, that quality time with a friend is so valuable. Those connections strengthen each time you pour into them. And when life gets challenging, lean into those friendships. There was a time in my life when I would pull away and try to “handle it all” myself. That was a huge mistake. People want to feel needed and useful. And those vulnerable moments create deeper bonds. When I was at my lowest, the little things my friends did for me will never be forgotten. And now I understand deeply when others are grieving. I also understand that it just takes one phone call to change the trajectory of someone’s day.
THE TEN MINUTE RULE
When I moved across the country, my friends and I established the ten minute rule and it has been incredible for us keeping in touch and staying so close. When we see our phone light up with a call, we are quick to answer because we set the expectation that it will be a ten minute catch up. Can it be more, of course! But it’s so much easier to pick up the phone when you are in the car or have a quick ten minutes before running carpool. And it’s easier to pick up the phone knowing you don’t need to carve out 45 minutes to an hour for a phone call. This practice has allowed us to talk more often and really stay in the loop with each other.
CONTINUE TO BE OPEN
If you are close to my age, I think we face an interesting predicament. As we age, our tolerance for small talk dwindles and we are extremely discerning with our time. And while that is overall a net positive, it can also create more of a closed circle. But there is something really invigorating about making new connections and discovering new friendships. Just the other day I started talking to a woman who ended up knowing my sister. We had so much in common and I loved my time with her. This weekend we are getting together with a new couple and I can’t wait to spend time with them. It’s so easy to say, “I have my friends and don’t need to make anymore.” But you just never know who you might meet and how they might enrich your life. . . .and visa versa.
At the end of the day, none of this means anything if we don’t care for our relationships and nurture our friendships. Everything becomes more meaningful and therefore more joyful when we share it with others.
To those of you who have been here for years, I value and so appreciate our connection. And I know that if the opportunity presented itself, we would absolutely hit if off in person. This is a reminder to both of us to stay open to new friendships and to extend the invitation to the people we love the most. A rich and long life depends on it.
