First and foremost, I need to thank everyone who took the time to comment on Riley’s closet yesterday. You were so sweet and she was feeling the love. It is one of my favorite spaces to date so your sentiments are much appreciated. Today, I am getting slightly serious on you but hoping to infuse the topic with inspiration and hope as well. This little blog of mine has such a dear and loyal following and I hate to leave out the “big” stuff in my life and pretend that things are always cupcakes and cherries. We all know that life can be challenging, maddening. confusing, and painful. This past weekend, my husband lost a colleague and dear friend. The tragic accident that took his life will have devastating effects on his wife and children’s lives for years to come. I know this to be true as we lost our brother a year and a half ago quite suddenly as well. To any of my readers who have had someone ripped from your life I am truly and utterly sorry. Today is {or was? I still struggle with the correct thing to say} my brother’s birthday. 
via Last night I was laying in bed and was rethinking what my husband had said about his dear friend, Jack. He said that he could not stop reliving funny moments, witty things that were said, inspiring conversations, and the overall amazing person that Jack was. Then he said, “Over eight years, there was not a single bad memory.” Not a single bad memory. That is unheard of. I certainly don’t think anyone would ever say that when reflecting on my life! Let’s be honest, shall we. I get cranky when not fed, I snap when I am tired, and I am a crazy person about keeping the house in order. Does this sound familiar to you, honey?! But I am going somewhere with this. Jack was a man of true goodness. While his career as a surgeon could have afforded him a large ego or attitude, he boasted the exact opposite demeanor. He was someone to look up to you and to be in awe of. Never taking himself too seriously. Always a loyal friend and good strong daddy. He remembered the little things about people and would bring them up in conversation. He made others feel important. As I was laying in bed I started to realize that there are moments where by standing amidst a horrible loss, we truly stand to gain. In no way am I glazing over or diminishing the long road of grief and all that it means for anyone it scorches. I simply mean that by losing we gain if and only we choose to. I am a firm believer that the best way to honor a life is to find the best character trait that person had to offer, and go forth in this world allowing that character trait to shine from within. If I can allow even a small part of that person’s greatness to continue to impact those around me, than perhaps it is in losing that we all gain a little bit. I am not sure. I do not claim to have answers. I do know that my husband and so many others are in a horrendous place of grief at the present moment. I do know that I continue to struggle with losing my brother, Tim, each and every day. I also know that we must embrace our days now. We can’t wait for next week or next month to start living our lives. My husband and I really make it a point to savor our days and moments with each other. With each loss we endure that message grows stronger. I have never made a bucket list before. Have you? I have begun one and it’s been very eye opening. The frightening thing is that it took me forever to even come up with one thing. I think you begin to censor yourself and say things like, “Oh, that will never happen.” Even coming up with the darn list is a struggle for me. Oh, boy! Let me know if you tackle one! And to my dear brother, who’s birthday we will honor tonight, I plan to make at least one person laugh uncontrollably today as you would have done a million times a day. Thank you for letting me share. to read another personal post you can click here
My mom and I were literally just talking about this yesterday. She is currently under going Chemotherapy and she is making a bucket list. She's looked back on her life and said it wasn't "fun" she didn't do the things she wanted to do. Not that her life has been bad, just that having dreams and putting them aside for the everyday mundane things has left her wanting now.
I can understand. I want a really full life. Full of my husband {and not us sitting on the couch with our computers barely talking and watching tv}. Full of my son {lots of memories and pictures}. Lots of travel and classes and new experiences. But making that list is hard! What to put on it?! What do I think I can really do? What do I think I can't do and should put on there anyway?!
I'm in the process of making a list. There aren't really many things on there. Moving to Spain is on there though. We moved to Scotland 5 yrs ago and I've always wanted to live in Spain. I'd like to live in several different countries. A villa in Spain sounds amazing!
Courtney, both your family and Dr. Jack's will be in my thoughts and prayers today.
Sue
Thinking of you, sweets. Agree that the best way to honor someone you've loved and lost is to let their goodness shine in you. Then, at least, that small part of them lives on. xo
Oh Courtney, I'm so sorry. Loss is extremely tough and never seems fair. But it is true that you should try to find that silver lining. That is what they would want you to do!
This post hits home with me right now and have been thinking the same thoughts of embracing the now. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It is such a journey to go through these losses. I love the idea of carrying on the best traits that were lost. What a wonderful way to honor and remember the ones you love.
Oh yes. You are so right. Thank you for posting. Unfortunately I know all too well what all you are experiencing. I am so sorry for you and your loss as well….and for the loss of your friend. I love that you are honoring your brother and hope yall share lots of laughs tonight.
So sorry to hear of the loss of such a good man. I have been thinking of some of these same issues lately, and stories like this remind us that life is precious and fleeting, and there are no guarantees. Just a couple weeks ago, a young mother of twin preschoolers at my daughter's school was killed in a car accident. So tragic, so much life left to live.
That said, it makes me even happier that I'm leaving the corporate rat race to stay home with my children and pursue my dreams. Isn't that what life is about?
P.S. Birthdays are so hard when you lose someone. I lost my brother five years ago, and those anniversary days are always difficult. Today is my son's birthday too – a special day indeed. 😉
Courtney…I am sorry for your husband's loss of a friend and both of your loss with the passing of your brother. I understand the pain that you are going through. I lost my husband almost a year ago. I have tried to understand why it happened and I slowly came to realize that my husband was put in my life for a reason, to teach me to love, to be a good friend, and to enjoy life. Grief will never go away but over time it will get easier.
This is beautiful, Courtney. I love the idea of taking an admirable character trait of a loved one and carrying it on. Thinking of you on your brother's birthday. It's so very, very hard. I don't do a great job of making the most of the time we have here.
{{{{{HUGS}}}}} Sending love and prayers to you and Ryan, dear friend. xoxo
Hi there, this is my first time commenting and I adore your blog! Thank you for posting this, it hit home this morning as I am "celebrating" the birthday of my mom (my very best friend!) who passed suddenly this past summer while I was pregnant with our twin girls. She was an amazing mother, grandma and friend. She truly lit up everyone's lives and always chased her "dreams". I thought about her philosophy to always do what you love with passion while reading your post. This week I have had so many 'buried' emotions surface, but I am trying to hang onto that 'light' of my mom's as I hold my sweet babies and play with my three year old son. I am so sorry for anyone who has to experience such grief, it truly is agonizing and confusing (thoughts are with your husband for his friend/you for your brother).
I love the quote "life does not happen to you, it happens for you"….to learn, to grow, to experience and love from both tragedy and love.
Thank you so much for the reminder to honor their traits and live them as they are our own. I think it's a perfect way to celebrate a life!
I think the right thing to say is "Today is your brother's birthday." It's how I always refer to my loved ones' birthdays whether they are here physically to celebrate with me or not. The date will always be special to you, and I think referring to it in the present tense brings that person closer, even when they aren't here.
I haven't made a bucket list. Like you, I struggle to even come up with one thing. My husband and I joked this weekend that winning the lottery was on our bucket list, but really, I think the things I want on that list are things that maybe aren't as tangible. Maybe I should consider writing those down, even if they aren't in the traditional bucket list format…
What a wonderful thing your husband said about his friend Jack. I am sure Jack's family would be most touched by his words remembering him in that way. I hope they see your post, and it brings them comfort.
I originally came to your blog when your mini mudroom was featured on iheartorganizing. I feel in love with your blog after reading your training wheels post.
May you both find peace today, as you remember your brother and your friend. Take care.
Haven't been on blogs much lately and funny how I came to yours today. Happy birthday to your brother. I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. You are in my prayers! Beautiful post. It's so hard to put these sorts of things into words. I have been trying really hard to work on myself and the way I let these sorts of happenings effect me. Thank you for the reminder to focus on the gain.
Sweet courtney — my heart breaks for you and your family…it's just too much grief. But I'm grateful you two have each other to lean on, lift each other up. Much love and prayers my friend. xoxo
Courtney, so sorry to hear of the loss of your husband's colleague. My prayers go out to his family, as well as yours as you remember him and your brother as well at this time.
I am so sorry for the loss of your friend and the loss of your brother. We lost a dear friend unexpectedly nearly two years and it still something we work through regularly. Love and prayers for you.
I love this take on grief. To be productive, to take that character trait and continue it. Awesome! Sometimes I think we get stuck in grief. We tend to focus on the loss part, instead of focusing on the life. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
So sorry to hear of your loss, Courtney. I will be praying for Jack's family and for yours. It is always so tough to lose someone you love.
So sorry to hear about this. Shall pray tonight for you as you remember your brother and for your family as you journey through this new loss.
Blessings!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing that. I clicked on this post today because I was meant to have read it.
Courtney, I really appreciate posts like this where the blogger truly opens up…in all honesty, my blog started as my place to vent because it helps me to write things out sometimes. I've always been a journal-er, so to speak. Over time, I evolved into a lifestyle/fashion/interior design/whatever my heart desires-type blog. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother and it also pains me to learn of the tragic deaths of young, wonderful people that had so much to give to the world, and most especially when spouses and children are left behind. They will be in my thoughts and prayers, as will you. xoxo http://www.styleoyster.blogspot.com
Thank you so much for sharing your heart, Courtney. You have me in tears. My heart goes out to your family and Dr. Jack's as you grieve your loved ones. You will be in my prayers, and I'm sending virtual hugs your way! <3
~Abby =)
Really beautiful post in its honesty. Praying for comfort for you and your husband as you work through (and ocntinue to work through) each loss. Am thankful that God allows us to glimpse some of His goodness in the goodness of those around us.
This beautiful post came at a time when I have sadly learned of others leaving us too soon. I appreciate you shedding light on a very sad subject. Our journey is a valuable one, warts and all, and your faith and ability to take the best from your memories is inspiring. Thank you. I am sure your brother could not be more proud of you.
I am so sorry for loss. I can not even imagine the pain it must feel losing your brother and then a close friend.
I also am 100% in agreement with you about embracing our days as life is to short. Yesterday I started a challenge to myself to live life. Trying something new, big or small everyday for the next 397 days. Reading post like these are all the more encouragement and motivation to continue this challenge.
You and your family are in my prayers.
Amanda the6118.com
Oh my. My heart is so heavy for you. Loosing loved ones is so sad and devastating. I still think about you and your brother often. Thanks for sharing, Court. You can touch people who other's never can because of the experiences you've gone through. I'll be praying for Jack's family and for yours as you celebrate Tim's life tonight. You are loved, and you're right…God knows what he's doing…and He alone is faithful. xoxo
A beautifully written post Courtney. I hope your grief diminishes with each belly laugh and fond memory recalled. xo.
You have such a beautiful perspective! I've never made a bucket list either. Like you, I have no clue where to even begin!
I'm so sorry for your loss. It hits so close to home when we lose someone who is close to our age with a family left behind. I can't imagine anything worse. We will keep you all in our prayers.
Sending you prayers and love, thank you for sharing and deepest sympathy for your loss of this amazing man and your brother.
A little late, but this is one of the reasons that I always read your blog…not only do you make the best prettiest, but you have the most beautiful insights <3 It's so awful to loose someone you care about, it's a hole that can never be filled, just the pain becomes less acute…I lost my grandpa 15 years ago and I just wore his favorite color to run my first half marathon because he was a marathon runner and I know he would've been proud. It's the good memories that make it so wonderful and difficult at the same time! This is such a good reminder to not only live life to the fullest, but live in the best way we possibly can. Thanks for this, sweet girl xoxo
That is an amazing tribute to your husband's friend Jack, for him to say he doesn't have a single bad memory. Makes you stop and think to be certain. So sorry to hear of this loss, life and how we spend it is precious. Janell
Such sweet words Courtney! My heart goes out to the family who lost a loved one. You are right about the way we chose to think. It makes all the difference.