The older I get, the more I value one-on-one time above all else. Whether it be with my husband, children or a dear friend, I would much rather share an evening getting real than chit chatting with a huge group of people. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good party but nothing beats quality time where a true connection forms. So I am kicking off my Q & A series with a Girls’ Night In! So come as you are. Grab a cocktail or a hot cocoa and let’s get real.
I was blown away by the number of questions you all asked. Far too many for one post so I will try to answer four or five each time (some answers are longer than others).
MY PAST LIFE
Kaitlin: I would love a Q & A post! I would love to know more about your background. You have mentioned you used to be a teacher. Did you stop teaching to stay home with your kids? What made you decide to do blogging full-time and how exactly did you get into blogging? Thanks!
Courtney: Great question. It seems like a different life time ago, but yes, I taught elementary school for almost ten years. I loved everything about fifth grade and was so lucky to teach at a school that became my second family. Some of my fondest memories are a result of spending hours upon hours lesson planning, helping with the talent show, rapping for my students (all in the name of science) and greeting my students every morning outside of the classroom. I had the most incredible mentor anyone could ask for and a staff and principal that truly were family. I poured my heart and soul into teaching.
When I became pregnant with our daughter, I went into labor at 24 weeks. That is a story for another time. She is our miracle baby. Strict bedrest on my side until 38 weeks allowed me to carry our baby to full term. Having to walk away from my classroom was heart breaking. I returned the following year to teach two days a week and stay home with Riley the rest. When Grady came along my husband and I made the decision that I would hang up my teaching hat and stay home with the children. I formed some incredible bonds with so many of my students and their families. In fact, my husband and I just ran into a former student and his family the other day while out on a date night. They have remained in our lives and we love them dearly.
I started blogging when my children were two and four. I stumbled upon a blog called “Just a Girl” when my neighbor (now dear friend) recommended we do a craft project for Christmas gifts. I was so inspired and was looking for a creative outlet. A couple of months later I started A Thoughtful Place. My mom and a handful of friends were my audience. How it all evolved is a much longer story which I will share soon.
DECORATING
Lauren: I guess one of the things I love most about your home (and your previous home) is that while you have kept decor simple (minimal?), it has big impact. Hope that makes sense. I am at a point where I would like to have a bit more “free space”. But, I find when I start taking things away our rooms appear a bit cold, empty. Or like in our kitchen, things I would like to put away to clear counter space are needed everyday. Hope I am making sense with all this. Any tips and advice on the topic of editing while still keeping a room warm?
Courtney: Oh, Lauren. I love you! Lauren and I go way back to when this blogging train first started! This is a great question and one that I have thought about for over a week. I think my biggest advice would be to pay attention to scale and pattern. I strongly believe that a mix of bold patterns helps to create a big impact.
For example, in our breakfast nook we hung drapes with a bold blue and white pattern. I have never been afraid to commit to color or pattern. Mixing the scale of the patterns (large with the drapes and small with the chairs) creates an interesting look without being too busy. Or so I think!
As for our kitchen counters, we only keep out what we use daily or multiple times a day. I have my large pot on the stove top, our coffee maker and coffee grinder, cutting boars, knives and cooking utensils. We don’t have a huge amount of counter space so we like to keep it as clutter free as possible.
The scale of the artwork in this room creates a strong impact while not having to fill the entire wall with frames. I also just really believe that less is more when it comes to the amount of things we have in a room. My personality tends to want to purge rather than collect so I think that just shows in how we decorate our home.
A few other tricks to keeping a room from feeling cold or empty would be using different textures and finishes. Just adding a tall arrangement like the one above to a coffee table can work wonders for filling a space. You would be surprised at how different a room will look with that addition.
WHERE ARE YOU FROM?
Carolyn: Love your blog. Wondering how many other Canadians follow you? Love the fashion and home decor finds but we don’t have those stores here. I’m 45 mins from Toronto and I think they just got a Nordstrom.
Courtney: Ok, Canadian friends! We want to hear from you. Leave a comment below if you are in Canada. I know I’ve heard from many of you over the years. Still a place on my bucket list to visit. And thank goodness for online shopping when stores aren’t close, right?!
PARENTING
Crista: You and your husband seem to be on such the same page when raising well-behaved children full of character and kind hearts! My hubby and I talk about it but our little one is only 15 months! Would love advice on how you instill that into them with such a crazy world we live in. We pray over her all the time, which obviously faith is a huge part of raising kids. But how do you and your hubby do it?! Would love to hear any advice!!
Courtney: First of all. Thank you. That is such a kind compliment. It truly is. I want to be the first to say we are by no means experts on this topic and are constantly re-evaluating all the time. I text or call my sister at least once a week to say, “Help!!! What do I do?” Or I’ll shoot a text to my girl, Catherine in Atlanta or leave a ridiculously long voicemail with my friend, Jess. I could go on and on with how much I reach out. I don’t think that when we were single and in our 20s discussing marriage we fully appreciated just how similarly we would want to parent. I honestly think we lucked out to be on the same page with so many aspects of our lives.
Having said that, there are certainly times where we differ in how we want to handle certain situations. Just the other night one of us lost our patience with our daughter while the other parent thought we should have given her more space. I think the key when that happens is instant communication. Not in front of the child, but privately. As soon as my daughter left the room we had a heated little talk sharing our points of view! In the end, we see where each parent is coming from and almost always come away with a plan for the “next time.” Keeping our egos out of it is huge, too. And look, it’s hard work. We all can agree on that, right? It’s far easier to stay uninvolved but that isn’t the recipe we adhere to.
We are all in and our children are everything to us. Someone once said that children come into this world perfect and it’s our job not to screw them up. No pressure! I think my biggest struggle is not projecting how I was as a kid onto my own children. I find myself falling into that trap as they get older and are more involved with school. I sometimes think, “Well, I didn’t do that. Or I would have done this.” No one cares what I did or would have done. This isn’t about me it’s about them and they are very unique individuals.
Another thing I am very grateful for is a strong group of family and friends around us. It takes a village, right? I do feel that we tend to attract friends who have the same values and moral compass as we do. Don’t you feel that way in your own life? I think that becomes even more and more apparent as you children grow. It’s very difficult to maintain friendships with people who are on an entirely different page. It’s not that one way is better than the other but let’s face it. Life is crazy and busy and as we get older we have to be more intentional about the time we spend outside of the home. So it’s just natural that you gravitate towards a comfort zone. We are so incredibly lucky to have such strong families around us that have been in our children’s lives since they were born. Others have come into our lives more recently but there was an instant connection and I can’t imagine doing this life thing without them. I think it’s those friendships that help set a great example for the children, too.
At the end of the day, you said it perfectly, Crista. Faith plays a huge role. Faith in God and a faith that if you set the right foundation and establish routines and instill confidence and kindness in children, that they will hopefully rely on that when push comes to shove. We are also comfortable with not doing what everyone else is doing. It’s not always easy especially these days when you have third graders asking for phones. It’s never easy to say no. But we’ve gotten pretty good at it. No matter what the topic is, I think it’s how you say no. Here is why we think this. Here is what the future plan can be. Here is how you can earn that.
Lastly, I love the advice my sister just gave me. She and her husband have raised (are raising) three incredible children. I recently asked her how I handle the new world of grades in middle school. How do I walk the line of encouraging my daughter to reach her potential while not creating a neurotic monster. Anyone else in this boat? She shared a great tip. Anytime a test came back with a grade they simply asked, “Are you happy with the grade? Did you do your very very best?” If it’s a yes, you move on. If it’s anything else, you make a game plan for how to attack it next time. I love that.
I feel like I have been rambling for far too long. We are all in this parenting thing together and thank goodness we have each other. Our plan is to continue to be as present as we possibly can and love them unconditionally. Oh, and pray we don’t screw it all up!
Thanks for hanging out with me on this first edition of Girls’ Night In. Feel free to leave any questions for future posts in the comment section below. Now go and have a great weekend!!!
I REALLY love hearing your parenting thoughts! I have a few life-line friends that I reach out to constantly, but their kids are at the same ages as mine, and we’re often going through things together. Your kids being a little older, I appreciate that you’ve “been there” and you can share insights and tips you’ve learned from what has worked well, and what maybe needs to be handled differently. I hope you blog more about parenting perspectives! I think that would be so inspiring to read!
Thank you, Christina. I know exactly how you feel. My sister has always been a step or two in front of me so it has allowed me to learn so much. I think the biggest thing is that we all need to feel like we are in this together and not like there is some secret sauce out there that we don’t know about. Constantly communicating with friends has helped me so much. Let me know if there are specific questions you may have.
I am a regular reader in Newfoundland, Canada. You can learn all about Newfoundland if you go see Come from Away on Broadway 🙂 It’s a small province (we don’t have states in Canada) and the people here have very big hearts <3
Tammy! I love that so much. Can’t wait to check it out. Thank you for being a loyal reader from afar. Have a wonderful week.
Love this series, Court!
xoxo
You’re my tribe. Daily!
What a fantastic post Courtney! Thank you : )
I’m a former Grade 5 teacher from Alberta, Canada. I left a fantastic school to stay home with my two kids as well. It was a tough decision but definitely the right one for our family. Now that my kids are a bit older I sub at my old school, volunteer and write. It feels like the perfect fit for this stage of my life. Hope you and your family have a wonderful weekend.
Love that we have that in common. And how wonderful that you have found something that is a perfect fit. I love that you said, “for this stage in my life.” So key, right?! Life is constantly changing and we need to adapt with it through each stage. Wishing you a great week with your family.
Loved this first Q&A post! I am working on making our house a home. I feel like when we moved in (10 years ago!), that we just made do, and it was fine. Sure, we re-did the kitchen and bathrooms, got new floors, but it felt unfinished. Now that we are in a different phase of life, I really want to see it as a more beautiful space, even though we don’t have funds to do all that we want. I look to your blog for inspiration and appreciate your advice. We have pieces we LOVE and things that we don’t. I am trying to get rid of those things we don’t so that we can really focus on what we do.
And I love the advice your sister gave on grades! We have our oldest in middle school this year and it is definitely a whole new world! (I think that’s one of the reasons I have continued to read your blog. Our children are similar ages!)
Hi Nicole! We sound similar. Still so much we want to do here, too. And isn’t it nice when we can relate with the kids being the same ages. Middle school is no joke. I am still adjusting to the amount of homework my daughter has and all of the responsibility. It’s a constant struggle to know how much to get involved and how much to step back and let them do it. Finding the balance.
You have a fan in Ottawa, ON Canada!
Woo hoo! So happy to have you! xo
Loved your parenting thoughts! My daughter is only 4 but I’m going to tuck the grades advice away :). I don’t have a specific question but would love to hear more about how you and your husband met and how you knew you wanted to marry him- or really anything in that vein!
Oh, I love that question!!! Ok! I will incorporate that into the mix. Have a wonderful week!
Love, love love your sister’s advice about grades! Two very simple statements that really empower the kids to define their own success and teaches them the importance of honest self-evaluation. Important lessons that will take them far beyond middle school. I’m officially adding it to my bag of parenting tricks!
Couldn’t agree more! You said it perfectly. Honest self-evaluation is something that is so key and I love how that advice really encourages that. I’ll tell my sister to keep the advice flowing!
Awww…thanks for including my question to you Courtney in this series. You are such a dear friend. And yes, you answered my question and gave me several tips that I am anxious to try. While I do use pattern and texture in a lot of the pillows in our home, I realized I need to use it elsewhere. Our lower level is pretty neutral (creams, whites, with black). And with our draperies, they are either a simple neutral pattern or we don’t have them at all (those are the rooms where I can see bold artwork being key). I need to look back on your series where you had readers just change out 4 things.
And, you are doing a beautiful job raising Riley and Grady. I remember how little they were when you first started blogging. I love your sister’s advice. It truly is about them doing the very best they can. We weren’t all born to be math majors!
Thanks for sharing from your heart.
Love you, Lauren. Your friendship over the years has meant so much. And thank you for the kind words about raising the kiddos. You know how it is. Constantly re-evaluating and wanting so badly to allow them to be the best versions of themselves. It’s tiring but so worth it.
I always like to hear about others’ parenting styles. My daughters are all now in their 30’s with children of their own, all well educated, working, never arrested or been in jail, or suffered from addictions. Probably sounds like a funny way to describe them, but those were the things I worried about a lot as they were growing up. We went through a terrible family crisis and scandal, not of their making, and I always wondered how this would impact them. I can say, even through the rough teen years, I wondered if they heard me when I tried to communicate, communicate and help them grow into adults. Years later, when I would hear them say, on the phone to their friends, “well, my Mom says…..” or “you should talk to my Mom, she’s really good about that stuff…”, I knew they HAD heard me and had come to respect what I tried to give them. So my thoughts on parenting are to keep communicating, even when you think they aren’t hearing you, and pray every day that you might be shown what is the best response to show your love. Even today, its so gratifying when they call to talk about their own children and ask my advice!
Ugh. This is beautiful. That’s what every mom hopes for. I remember always calling my mom when the children were babies for advice. And truly all through my young adult years. So to have your kids calling your for that advice or hearing them quote you on something. That’s the good stuff. I love the advice about communicating. Thank you. Will remember that when those times get difficult.
Courtney, I loved this girls night in! I share your views on so many things–preferring smaller gatherings to foster deeper connections, keeping our home simple but warm and welcoming, gravitating toward families and friends who share our values, and reaching out for help from others and the Lord about raising good kids. These new middle school years are definitely proving to be tricky ???? Congrats on the successful kickoff of this new series–can’t wait for the next one! As a “small fish” blogger, I feel so inspired and encouraged keeping up with you and A Thoughtful Place!
What time can you be here?! I just know that we would hit it off. Thank you for the kind words. These middle school years are proving to be a bit tricky. I am hoping the adjustment period simmers down a bit. Thank you for the kind support and I hope you all are having a fantastic week, Michele.
Ahhh Courtney! I loved q&a girls night! Hehe I sipped on a glass of grape juice…hoping to avoid the stomach flu my daughter got this evening! Never been puked on till today 😉
Thank you so much for the detailed answered to my parenting question! Like I said and you said this world is just crazy and not going with the crowd is hard to do. But when it comes to parenting we are realizing quickly that is best to not get caught up in the world. I am 26, and many people call me “the old soul of 60”, bc I stay in with my family on Friday nights and just chill (we do also make plans a lot of weekends to) , I freeze corn for the winter, and I love my home and making it cozy for my family! I say all that to say, I’m okay with the label, because I want to be present with my child and making sure that she is getting to bed each night with a bedtime story and prayers!!
Like I said I so loved your advice!!! It was so fun learning all about other topics through the other questions! 🙂
Have a great weekend!
Crista! Most welcome. Sounds like you sure have your priorities in check and I love that you live life the way it works for you and your family. That’s what it’s all about. She sounds like a very lucky little girl to have you as her mama. I need to be better about tucking in at night and not rushing that process. It will be gone before I know it. And I’ll take a cozy night at home with people I love over some fancy night out on the town any day. xo
Following you from Nova Scotia, Canada!!
Welcome!!! Love it and so want to visit some day.
Regular reader from Victoria, Canada! I love the advice your sister gave you regarding grades, I will be using that one for sure!
Love hearing from my Canadian readers!!!! I’ll let her know. She’s a fantastic mom.
Hey – I love following your blog.
Following from Oakville, Canada.
A fellow former teacher (just retired!!!)
Jane
Hi Jane!!!! Congratulations on your retirement!!! That’s amazing. xo
LOVE this series, and all your awesome answers! You are a real inspiration Courtney x
Caley! You are always such a bright light. Thank you for always leaving such sweet comments. Have a great week.
Stay at home mum from arva, ontario, canada.
I have lost count of how many years that I have been reading your blog along with Cassie’s, Jen’s and Megan’s.
Thank you for keeping it diverse.
Hi Katharine!!!! Awe. That’s awesome. Gosh, we all started blogging so long ago. Seems like another lifetime. Thank you for the nice comment and for reading all these years. Have a great week.
I’ve been reading for a couple of years, from PEI, Canada. A must visit if you’re coming (especially in the summer). ????
We need to get all of the Canadian readers together. I love it! Canada is on our list so I hope we can make that happen soon. Thank you for following along.
Hi! Longtime reader from Toronto, Ontario 🙂