So excited it’s Friday. I am looking forward to spending the day with my sweet mom and then this evening with a dear friend of mine. I don’t know about you, but the older I get the more I realize the importance of saying no to “busy” activities and yes to meaningful time spent with people I care about. I am not sure why our culture seems to value being busy as if it’s something to reach for. You know that question that gets tossed around twenty times a day, “How are you?!” I must admit I have been guilty of saying, “Great. Just really busy.” It’s like we want people to know we have a lot to do or that our lives are pretty stressful. Strange, right?!
For the last couple of months I have really focussed on making decisions solely on how it will make me feel. I don’t mean that in a selfish way. But I am the only one that can adjust the stress I feel. I realize that spending time with loved ones or taking a walk by myself will fill me up. Fitting in a 30 minute work out in the morning will immediately infuse me with a more positive outlook on the day. I’ll have more energy to do the after school hustle with the children. Even my children will notice how much more energy I have.
I am a stay at home mom and I’ll never forget when a friend recalled something she had heard, “You know if you’re a stay at home mom and you are too busy, try staying home.” Simple and yet so true. It has struck a chord with me back when I heard it and it pops into my head each time I start to get the panicked, too much to do feeling. No. I just need to stay home, breathe and get things done. Sometimes getting through just one load of laundry and cleaning one out of our three bathrooms makes me feel like I won a gold medal. Look. I know it’s not rocket science and may seem mundane to the corporate world, but sometimes it’s just knowing that I am caring for my family that makes the day seem like a win. And I am learning to take a moment out to pray and be thankful for the opportunity to sit amidst the mess. The mess is direct result of being surrounded by the people I love most. And I am so grateful for them.
Along with staying home more, I am choosing to be sure I make time for my dear friends as well as new friends. You know those people who you cross paths with all the time and you just know there is a beautiful friendship brewing. I want to make time for that. I want to say yes when they ask me to join them on a hike or go grab a quick coffee. There is power in connecting and the last thing I want to do is to fill my life with such clutter that I miss out on those beautiful friendships.
While I don’t have any profound discovery to pass along or a flashy graphic to share, I do have an ongoing list in my head that is helping me to stay focussed on what is most important to me. Here are a few things I am trying to be very deliberate about these days.
- pick up the phone and call a friend each week (texting doesn’t count)
- send a hand written note to a friend (good ole’ snail mail)
- drop flowers on the doorstep of a friend
- make it a priority to nurture a new friendship (coffee, lunch, walk, etc.)
- forgive myself for the messes in the house and in turn be grateful
- gift myself with time to exercise
- stay home
- enjoy being still
- take more walks by the beach and enjoy the beauty that never expects anything in return
Today’s agenda: Toss in laundry before I work out, clean the kitchen and then shower and get ready to pick up my mom and take her to lunch. And I promise to be completely present so that I can fully enjoy the precious time with my mom. And then I will do carpool and pick up the kids. And I will sit and listen to them talk over each other to tell me about their days. Nothing better than that.
Sharing my rather unglamorous schedule in hopes of supporting one another to take off the “busy” hat and to embrace doing less. Isn’t it in doing less that we have far more to gain?
Courtney, I am so happy you shared this post. It was so heartfelt, raw and so real. We are all too busy and I do believe its by choice. Thank you for putting your insight and your life out here. It was a pleasure to read and relate.
Loved this Courtney. Even now as an empty nester, I find myself “busier” than ever. I too am making a conscious effort to slow down, stay home, be more in tune with my stress levels. I am slowly making some changes, some you mentioned, and some I am working toward implementing in the coming year. A commitment I have had for the past four years is one I have prayed a lot about. I think it is time to give myself the grace to say no this year. Enjoy you time with your sweet mom!!
What a completely honest and lovely post Courtney. I think we can all take something from this. Thank you. I’m going to try and value my favourite people more xx
I loved everything about this post, Courtney. Recently I had a health scare that thankfully turned out OK. But it made me realize the importance of slowing down to smell the roses and enjoy time with family and friends.
I hope that you had a wonderful lunch with your mom.
This is the best post I have ever read. No joke! I needed this today as I am a stay at home mom / works from home mom and sometimes ? My decision. I always enjoy your blog so thank you for this and being you!!!
So true! Just yesterday a dear friend asked me to stay awhile for a cup of tea after I dropped of some flowers to her. I was so happy to sit in her gorgeous home talking and watching the birds in the backyard. Her dad passed two weeks ago and she didn’t say it but she just needed a little company. My dad passed 4 months ago and what I loved the most about my friends and family were the quiet moments together.
Beautifully written. I’m a former teacher, but now a stay at home mom to a toddler and a new baby. Your message definitely resonates with me, so thank you 🙂
Great post, but as someone who works in the corporate world but just isn’t feeling it anymore and is struggling with what the next step is, this part really resonated with me – ” Look. I know it’s not rocket science and may seem mundane to the corporate world, but sometimes it’s just knowing that I am caring for my family that makes the day seem like a win. “
Courtney…thank you so much for this post! Im a stay-home-mom too. Sometimes I have a battle in my head…”head out to do all the to-do’s” or “stay home”….and I want to feel ok with staying home! I want to feel ok saying “no” to all the busy-ness…and be home to take care of family & spend time with friends.
One of my most favorite posts!
What you wrote felt like you were speaking right to me. Thank you because I needed to hear it!
This post really resonates….prioritizing those we love and honoring our key priorities just feels intrinsically authentic….I find that as I get older doing what I need/advocating for my family is what makes me shine…makes my heart sing 🙂 Enjoy your weekend! C
I wish I had your busy. My day? Up at 4:00 a.m., put dinner in the crockpot, 20 minutes of stretching, at work at 6:00, off at 4:00, drive home, walk the dog, and then put a smile on my face for when the hubby gets home at 5:30.
Great post! Thanks for the honesty.
You go, girl! Your family will be all the better for your realizing the struggle and making a conscious effort to be more present! Have a wonderful weekend!!
Absolutely love this!
This is AMAZING – and spoke to me loud and clear today! I have been struggling with this “busy” lifestyle so much lately and it scares me! I have also had to learn how to say NO and be still, and make time for myself x
Love this post and all of your great wisdom. Not to sound gloomy and down but my mom passed away last May at the much too early age of 60. I was always too busy to go over and just sit with her (because that was she could do with in her poor health). That is the single most thing I regret. Yes, I had four kids to take care, and a house to clean, and errands to run, and a husband to care for but my mom is the only one I would ever get-and now she’s gone. What I wouldn’t take to be able to meet her for coffee this morning. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for sharing this! I always appreciate your willingness to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. I wholeheartedly agree with your thoughts about nurturing the relationships in our lives. I’ve always been really bad at that, but have made an effort in the last few years to get better. I love making homemade cards for family and friends on their birthdays. Since we moved a couple months ago and are no longer close by any of our loved ones, I really do want to be better at picking up the phone. And your list of ways to be more present is much appreciated. So simple, yet so effective. Great post!
Thank you Courntey for sharing your heart with all of us. Your gift of writing is so beautiful and in this heartfelt post you truly gave words to what so many of us feel. Thank you , my friend.
Hi Courtney thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think a lot of us are in the same situation but we always put ourselves last as we don’t want to let anyone down and as a result feel exhausted and stressed. Oprah once said how can we look after anyone else if we don’t look after ourselves! It’s easier said than done – sometimes just having some time to think is difficult enough! I love the comment about “try saying home” – I love being at home! Take care Angela x
Oh Thank you so much for this beautiful post!I’m going to print out your list…Reading you always feels so good,Courtney,a warm thank you for your sensible and sensitive words…Have a good day!
Loved this C! Yes to all of it!
Courtney! So So SO true!!! I attended a session at a recent conference about “ending the glorification of busy”. Needless to say, it was a well-attended session….Ha! I hear you on all of these points and am so proud of you for making an effort to end it. It’s so important in this digital age to connect with something as simple as a hand written note or a phone call. Shocking….but so true!
Just wanted to say – yay!!!
xo,
Sam
I had a mentor mom tell me the same thing once. I was frustrated that I felt behind all the time and she (very gently) suggested putting the housework/homefront back as a priority over some of the commitments I had on my plate. She phrased it so well that our husbands don’t always want to go to work but they do because that is their job and I needed to adopt a similar attitude. It helped so much on feeling less overwhelmed by shuffling the priorities.
Also, I’m moving away from using the phrase “busy” since it seems to have become as much a trigger word as “carbs” for some people. When I get those little snide remarks about how busy we are or my internal voice starts up I respond that we aren’t busy but that right now our lives are full. It feels like a more positive approach to this time in life – juggling kids in two schools, carefully chosen activities, friends, jobs, home life, etc. Thanks for you sharing your thoughts on this!
My mother-in-law’s famous words to us are “Stop the glorification of busy!” I think she is right. Thanks for posting this — encouraging each other to slow down, enjoy the little things and moments, and take time for ourselves is one of the best things we can do.